Fair Woodworking

May 11, 2012

I hate Konrad Sauer

Filed under: Fair Woodworking's 7 Deadly Sins,Favorites,I Think I'm Funny — fairwoodworking @ 2:57 pm

Oh, come on! Admit it. Who hasn’t read his blog, and then for at least a second, had that thought? It’s OK, I get it. It’s like reading a “Who’s, who” of things that I could never hope to be able to do, with tools I’m not cool enough to have.

I mean seriously, who has a giant bandsaw named “Snowflake” equipped with a hair drying electric break? Not mere mortals like me, I’ll tell you that. And no matter how many times I check my wood pile, I’ve never found any “Mystery Rosewood” with its enchanted wavy grains that sing softly to me in my sleep, and taunt me with their evil beauty.

Some guys have all the luck.

What’s even worse, this one time I’m reading an article about him, and as my wife walks by she stops in mid stride to say, ” Oooh, who’s that guy? He’s cute!”

That guy really burns my butt!

Man it feels good to get that off my chest! FEEEWHEW!

The deadly sin of Envy.

They say the most effective lie is one that is wrapped in truth. It’s this kind of lie that gives envy its foothold. You see, my little rant up there is all based on fact, but it’s twisted into a fairly believable lie designed to justify my envy.

I wonder how many of us, that used the “I hate” line have also said, “I’d do anything to be able to make planes that nice”? That’s a great envy line, but what a lie it is. Would I be willing to go back to school to study Art & Design? Would I be willing to quit my job? Have I ever taken the time to try to build a plane? Heck! Have I ever even followed through on restoring an old plane?

That’s a big fat NO. My old planes are at best, tuned just enough to make them work the way I want them to. I really don’t enjoy metal work, so building a plane may never happen. I don’t think I’d have the guts to quit my job, and I find art based education boring.

So I can sit at my computer complaining about a guy that’s stuck living in the province of Ontario, (that passes as Canadian humor), or I can let his (and others) work inspire me to actually have the courage to try some of it myself.

And what of his sweet stashes of wood?  Have I taken the time to build relationships with even one wood supplier? No, but I can guarantee Konrad has (I read about it on the internet). But besides that, It’s not like wood grows on trees… Wait a sec… bad example. If you want wood that sings, you’re gonna have to pay for it. Years ago Konrad posted about some Ebony he found. It was a bit of a surprise because I recognized both the piece, and also his description of the state he found it in. You see he found it in a store that I regularly visited on my lunch hour, and I’d drooled over that very piece of Ebony more times than I care to admit. If you want huge blocks of Ebony decorated by a crazy lady, you are going to have to pay the man.

So suck it up princess.

As for “Snowflake”? I’m not ready to let that one go just yet…

…and that’s another thing. If he ever goes near my wife, we’re gonna have words.



Editors note – I want to give a very big THANK YOU! to Konrad for allowing me to Mock Rant at his expense. I would think it takes a dangerous sense of adventure to agree to something like this with some random guy that writes a blog he’s never heard of…

Second Editors note – I should also mention that there is no solid proof that the bandsaw was named Snowflake. The Yates Y30 is often referred to as a “snowflake” not as “snowflake”. That being said, I’d like to think he calls it “Adelvice”.


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